My Journey to Joy

December 17, 2011

Filed under: Notable Quotables — aunthoddy @ 5:00 AM
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“We must trust God. We must trust not only that he does what is best, but that he knows what is ahead.” Max Lucado

August 27, 2011

Filed under: Notable Quotables — aunthoddy @ 3:17 PM
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God so carefully handpicks our trials, just enough to open our eyes to our sin, just enough to grow us spiritually, just enough to fulfill His Kingdom work- and not one tear more.  We can trust the Omniscient Creator of the Universe to know exactly what it will take.  Celeste Li, M.D.

August 23, 2011

Songs for the Journey

Filed under: Songs for the Journey — aunthoddy @ 3:36 PM
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The Potter Knows the Clay

I know you are going through the fire

Its  getting hard to stand the heat

But even harder is the wondering

Is God’s  hand still on me

Its lonely in the flames

When you’re counting days of  pain

Chorus

But the Potter knows the clay

How much pressure it  can take

How many times around the wheel

‘Til there’s submission to His  will

he’s planned a beautiful design

but it’ll take some fire and time

its gonna be okay

‘cause the Potter knows the clay

Friend I just  came through that fire

Not too very long ago

And looking back I can see  why

And that my God was in control

But on the hottest days I’d cry

Oh Lord, isn’t it about time

*My note: Sometimes He leaves us in the fire even after we’ve submitted to His will.  His ways are not our ways…  Isaiah 55:8

July 21, 2011

He Knows

Filed under: Contemplations — aunthoddy @ 7:39 PM
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Daniel and I have been on this journey for several years now.  Some things are different, but many aspects remain the same.  I’ve discovered that even the sweetest, most caring friend can zone out after hearing about common adoption problems or infertility struggles for the 50th time!  At other times, I’ll do my best to explain how I feel, to be met with a blank or puzzled look.  That’s when I realize: they just don’t get it.  As humans, we can’t fully empathize with others.  I’m sure I’ve had that look many times when someone was telling me about their struggles.

God knew that we would be limited in how much we could help each other.  That’s why there’s a greater Resource available to us!  It’s not just up to people…we have an Advocate who is touched with the feeling of our infirmaties (Heb 4:15)!  He sees and understands, even when those we love don’t or can’t.

You have looked deep into my heart, Lord, and you know all about me.”  He knows.

But what about when it hurts so much that it’s hard to even pray?  “Before I even speak a word, you know what I will say…”  He knows.

But what about the big, scary possibilities?  We’re so powerless, so liable to be hurt!  “…with your powerful arm you protect me from every side.”

What about those nights, those painful times when it all rushes back in, when the hurt has seemed to last so long, and things that I thought were resolved come back to torture my mind?  “…you see in the dark because daylight and dark are all the same to you.”  He Knows

But why, God?  Why does it have to hurt so much, and for so long?  “Your thoughts are far beyond my understanding, much more than I could ever imagine.”

God, I want to learn the lessons that You have for me.  I believe that you have a purpose for all of this; please don’t let me miss it!  “Look deep into my heart, God, and find out everything I am thinking…lead me in [Your] way.”

And maybe a promise for our little one?  “You are the one who put me together inside my [birth]mother’s body, and I praise you because of the wonderful way you created me.  (Maybe creating even now?!)…with your own eyes you saw my body being formed…”

He knows where I am, and He knows where my baby is.  So thankful that He knows!

Italicized selections in quotations from Psalms 139

February 12, 2011

#2

Filed under: Dear Baby — aunthoddy @ 9:17 PM
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Dear, Sweet Baby,

I’ve been thinking about you a lot this week!  Your dad painted the nursery last week; pretty soon I’ll start decorating it with cute little things that I’ve been collecting for years!  Your Mimi gave me some things for you this morning, too.  She’s been holding on to them for a while.  We want everything to be so perfect for you when you come home!  Your daddy & Papa are working hard to get the whole house finished.

We painted the walls of your room blue, so that it’ll be a peaceful place.  I’ll bet you’ll sleep through the night every time- not really!  That’s okay, I also have a blue rocker to sit in and rock you back to sleep.

I’m going to do everything that I can to be ready for you, whenever God sends you to us!  I’ve been praying, that God will take care of you.  He knows every detail about you, even if you haven’t been conceived yet!  I’m also praying that God will help Daddy & I learn how to be the best parents we can be.  We want to raise you to live for God, more than anything else.

The Lord bless you, and keep you;  The Lord make His face shine on you, and be gracious to you; The Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace.

Love you so much, Mommy

December 11, 2010

Dream

Filed under: Contemplations — aunthoddy @ 9:07 AM
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So many things have changed.  My dream for my life what shattered by our infertility.  I was lost.  I did not know what to do.  I had followed “the plan,” the “rules,” now what?  So many things to consider, aspects that I never dreamed would be part of the equation.  I felt so ill-equipped.

In the midst of such hurt and confusion, I did the only thing I knew to do:

I cried out to God.

Again, and again, and again.  Why is this happening?  What should I do?  When will this end?  How can you be glorified in this?  What are you doing with our lives?

He knew the answers.  And He has shown me some of them, as I’ve been ready.

The Dream Never Dies

Be sure to read the lyrics of this song.  It’s sung from the perspective of Elizabeth, another barren, heartbroken woman.  God gave her a son.  And I believe He’ll give me children, too.

Last year, Christmas was terrifically hard.  In December we got final confirmation that our chances for a natural pregnancy were virtually none.  Through some sort of paperwork error, the specialist’s office called about five times, with the same bad news.  This was about the time that we learned about Madelyn Rose.  We were so happy for Krista & Leonard, but it amplified our emptiness somehow.  The night the church went Christmas caroling was the lowest I can ever remember.  I had tried as hard as I knew how to “pull it together,” but I simply couldn’t.  When I should have been loading into a car to spread “Christmas cheer,” I was curled into a ball on my kitchen floor, keening.  That was the night I started writing.  Pages and pages of feelings, frustrations, questions, anger, and pain.  It’s not light reading.  I don’t go back and read it.  But it gave me a sense of relief.  Since then I’ve even learned to share some of those thoughts, with you, dear friends.

This year feels so different.  We are still infertile.  I will most likely never bear children.  But this year, I have hope.  We’ve decided to adopt.  We plan to start the paperwork after Christmas.  And probably not next year, but maybe the next, I’ll be sharing Christmas with my own little ones.

Praise the Lord!

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