My Journey to Joy

November 15, 2012


Filed under: Contemplations — aunthoddy @ 5:00 AM
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In December 2009, my sister & brother-in-law asked if they could speak to us.  We sat down in my parents’ basement, and they told us they were expecting.  I smiled, said congratulations, then went home and cried.  We had just received definite confirmation that we would not be able to have biological children.

A few months later, the ultrasound pictures were shown around.  A girl.  Again I cried.  She got three beautiful, healthy children, and the girl that she wanted…I got what?  I’m not proud of my feelings, but they were part of my journey.  I was perilously close to missing something precious.

Proverbs 14:30 “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”

The day my niece arrived, I packed up her brothers, gathered up my courage, and headed to the maternity ward.  A year before we had eagerly toured the same rooms, as we planned our family.  Now I knew that would never be.  Little Miss was being cared for by a nurse, and we weren’t able to hold her.  Back at home, the boys begged to go see their sister again.  I barely got out of their sight before breaking down.  I sobbed to my husband, “I just can’t go back up there!  I can’t do it!  I just can’t.”

But I did.  I walked into the  room full of nerves and emotions, trying to hide my distress from my very observant sister.  My brother-in-law gently handed me a tightly wrapped bundle, and I melted.  Sweetness.  Utter sweetness.  This time I cried for a different reason.  My niece has held a piece of my heart ever since.

It’s frightening when I look back to think what I could have missed.  What I could have so easily allowed infertility to steal from me.  I’m not trying to speak for everyone; I can only tell my story.  And the bitter has enhanced the sweet.

She looks so much like I did at her age.  And bless her, she acts a lot like me, too!  And when she says “I wub oo too, Aunt Hoddy” and plants a sticky kiss on my cheek…sweetness.

Psalm 127:3 “Children are a blessing from the Lord…”

I now have two nephews, two beautiful nieces, another on the way, and a precious son God gave us last May.  So many blessings to celebrate! 

August 28, 2012

Songs for the Journey- Mine to Love

Filed under: Songs for the Journey — aunthoddy @ 5:00 AM
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August 23, 2012

Walking Toward a Miracle…Gotcha’ Day!

Filed under: Contemplations — aunthoddy @ 5:00 AM
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Thursday night was spent getting everything ready.  We tried to get some sleep, but that wasn’t really happening.  Friday morning, we left half an hour early, and headed to Mississippi.  It was a good thing we left early, since we made lots of stops on the way down!  Our nerves were so jangled; I felt like I’d had several pots of coffee.

Neither of us are good with directions, but Meridian is small, and we found the Lifeline offices quickly.  I started to cry when I saw the brick building, but quickly got control of myself.  We were precisely on time.  We gathered everything from the car, and walked up to the glass doors.  A social worker stuck her head out and said to wait just a moment.  I was so antsy at this point, it seemed like forever!  Then she motioned us into the building.

We walked in, and there he was.  Lying in a wooden cradle was the most beautiful baby boy.  Our boy.  Our Nathan.  I stepped up to the crib, and dropped my purse and the diaper bag on the ground.  (Good thing I didn’t have the camera!)  Through tears and a few sobs, I reached down to pick him up for the first time.  I kissed him, again and again, and whispered to him how much I loved him.  After a minute, I realized that his daddy might want to see him too, so I turned around, but wasn’t willing to let go yet.  I now believe in love at first sight!

Nathan had a blanket that a local ladies’ group had crocheted for him.  His foster mom had sent a sweet card for me, and the social workers gave me my first Mothers’ Day card!

After much sniffling (on everyone’s part!), we sat down to do paperwork.  Since this office has such a limited staff, there was no one to keep him while we signed things.  (Typically a baby is given to the parents after everything is completed.)  I struggled to hold him while scribbling my John Hancock on what seemed like reams of papers.  Thankfully we’d already read it all, so it was just a formality.

About thirty minutes after arriving, we walked out of the office.  We’d come in as a couple, but left a family.  Praise the Lord!

August 9, 2012

Walking Towards the Miracle…Our Story, Continued

Filed under: Contemplations,Uncategorized — aunthoddy @ 5:00 AM
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After the phone call that rocked our world (a baby boy!), there was a brief flurry of activity.  Our social worker sent us a message entitled “Baby Boy” with his date of birth, height and weight, ethnicity, and other brief information.  I believe we memorized it, hungry for every detail!  More paperwork ensued: birthmother background, hospital records & etc.  Waivers and legal documents to print, read, sign, scan and return.  I don’t know what else I was doing that week, but we completed each step as quickly as possible.  We certainly didn’t want to cause any additional wait!

Then, things slowed down.  Days of no new information.  It took tremendous willpower not to call our social worker constantly, asking if she had any new information.  A week went by.  An uncommonly loooooooong week!  Our baby was stuck in “the system,” and there was nothing we could do.  I wanted to drive to Mississippi, and just sleep on the floor beside his crib.  We still had never seen our boy, not even one picture.

Finally on Friday, May 4th, we were instructed to sign a petition for the MS courts, and send it back as quickly as possible.  I’ll be honest, it was a lot of trouble to track down a notary public on a Friday night, drive downtown to the only open UPS store, and pay $35 to send a package.  I’ve never been happier to do something!  They could have charged whatever they liked.  We watched online for confirmation of the documents’ arrival.  We knew our lawyer would be presenting it to the judge on Wednesday.  Praying without ceasing became almost a literal habit.

Wednesday (May 9th) we were eating with my family, when my sister had a vicious abdominal attack.  I whisked her children to my house, so they wouldn’t see their mommy in pain.  I turned on a movie and cranked up the volume so they wouldn’t hear the ambulance.  There was a message on my phone.  From my social worker.

“Call me on my cell….  There are some new developments…Nothing to worry about.  Okay, I’ll just say it right out, it’d good news, so call me…”  I stood at my window, watching the ambulance pull away with my best friend inside, as I listened to our social worker tell me that the judge had granted our petition.  We could go get our son…on Friday!  Such mixed emotions!  I didn’t know if I should tell anyone in the middle of everything else, but I couldn’t keep it in. 

My mom told my sister, who was lying on a gurney in the ER.  “Oh, good,” she said.  “Let’s talk about that instead!”  See why I love her?!  Thankfully, Krista was fine, just a freakish combination of circumstances made her so ill.  The next day she limped to a baby boutique and went shopping for her long-awaited nephew.  You can believe those gifts are incredibly special to me!

And so we packed up everything we thought we might need, checking and re-checking lists.  We borrowed a video camera, charged the Nikon, lay out our clothes, and waited for Friday…

January 31, 2012

Songs for the Journey- Glory Baby

Filed under: Songs for the Journey — aunthoddy @ 11:19 AM
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August 11, 2011


Filed under: Dear Baby — aunthoddy @ 5:35 PM
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Hello, My Darling!  I’ve been working in your closet this week, trying to clean it out so it will be ready for more of your things!  (Mommy & Daddy have a mess in there.)  Pretty soon you’ll be making your own messes!

Daddy & I are meeting with our new social worker this afternoon; we’re so close to being approved to adopt you!  It seems like it’s taking forever, but I know that God is just having us wait until the perfect time when you are ready to join our family.  Your Aunt Krista said something that made Mommy feel so good: “We haven’t missed our baby!”  We know that God is working this all out, even when we can’t see.  Mommy & Daddy are willing to wait however long we need to for you!  We love you!

July 7, 2011


Filed under: Dear Baby — aunthoddy @ 7:56 PM
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Sweet Baby Mine, I am so anxious to meet you!  (Mommy is not a very patient person, and she has been waiting to hold you for a long, long time!)

Mommy & Daddy are almost finished with all that they can do for your adoption.  God is teaching us about waiting for very special things- and you are the most special of all!  You are priceless, and worth every moment of the wait.

I have started to daydream about you.  For a long time I wouldn’t let myself, because I was afraid that it would hurt too much.  I don’t have a picture of you in my mind, because I don’t know what God is creating you to look like.  I just imagine snuggling with you, feeding you, and giving you lots and lots of kisses!

Wherever you are, I know that you and your birthmom are in God’s hands, and I’m trusting Him to take care of you.  I love you so much, Mommy

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