My Journey to Joy

September 15, 2013

Looking

Filed under: Contemplations — aunthoddy @ 6:06 PM

Our minds were shocked and our hearts were broken when we were told of my Granny’s tragic murder at the hands of thieves.  The vicious disregard for human life was and is incomprehensible.  The needlessness is shattering; I have thought again and again of how easy it would have been to subdue her without taking her life.  My mind has rebelled against the reality.  I have asked so many “why’s”, with no clear answers.

But I have been looking…for blessings.  And I have found them.  And the grace of God- it has been all around us, in us.  He is with us.  I have seen His heart and His love on the faces of friends who have cried with us…left work and conferences and their daily lives to come and comfort us…lovingly prepared meals for us…cared for our children…participated so sweetly in her memorial service…expressed their sympathy with words, tears, and long, lingering hugs. The blessings of how God has given us each other, a close family, to walk through this grief together.  Of unexpected kindnesses from strangers.  Of sweet, supporting spouses, taking up oh-so-much left undone.  And the prayers…we have truly been lifted and carried by prayers.  And the blessing of remembering a life of service, refusing to fixate on its end.  The testimony of 89 good years cannot be taken away in a few, tragic moments.  I wish I could recall all of the sweet remembrances I have heard, of pies baked, food given, work done, and sorrow shared by my Granny.  She was loved, and will be missed.

God was good.  We have recent happy visits to remember.  A handmade Grandparents’ Day card was still in the basket of her walker, no doubt so that she could show it to friends, whether they wished to see it or not!  Recent pictures were stashed in her purse.  Our smiling faces were all over her walls.

When my mind returns to the horror of that night, and my imaginings go through the scenario again and again, I cling to hope.  I hope that her senses were dulled by shock.  I hope that she was unaware.  I hope that she died quickly.  Most of all, I hope that she knew what I know- that God was right there with her.  However she may have suffered, I am so thankful for my true HOPE, that she has no more pain or sorrow in the presence of Jesus.  That a lifetime is insignificant when compared to the eternity she has to spend worshiping her Creator.  My great hope is in her relationship with a God who loved her enough to die for her sins.  “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life.”  John 3:16  I hope that her murderers also find salvation in Him, the only Sacrifice great enough to atone for all our sins.

She was so looking forward to her 90th birthday.  A party had been planned, and she was full of anticipation.  She had made plans of whom to invite, and how to spruce up her home for the occasion.  And now she’ll have it in paradise.  She’ll be celebrating it with loved ones already there, and the God who loves her most.

Granny, I called the other day to tell you we’re adopting again.  I wish you’d have picked up the phone; you were probably out working in the garden.  You worked so hard to help with money for Nathan’s adoption; we found a list you’d made keeping track.  We know you’d be excited about another “wee one.”  I’m so sorry my children won’t know you in this life, but I promise we’ll tell them about you.  I’ll tell Nathan how much you loved “them babies”!  We love you too.  See you in heaven…

 

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