My Journey to Joy

January 10, 2013

Compliment

Filed under: Contemplations — aunthoddy @ 5:00 AM
Tags: , , ,

He’s so good…for an adopted child.”  And my mommy-heart started racing.  What to say?  I considered the source, and their obvious good intentions.  They’ve watched a friend go through a very hard adoption experience.  I decided it was wise to bite my tongue this time…but I have something to say.

The implied inferiority in that statement is maddening.  It would be unkind to say: “You’re smart…for a girl.” or “You’re athletic…for a Jones.”  The caveat more than cancels any benefit from the compliment.

And that’s why an introvert like me writes about personal things.  Everyone seems well-versed on sad/tragic/scary adoption stories.  Where are the positive ones?  I suppose they’re not as newsworthy.  People form opinions based on emotion, and the bad stories gain momentum. 

That’s where I come in.  Let me tell you about my well-adjusted, securely-attached baby.  Let me tell you how he is ahead developmentally in every area.  Let me tell you how perfectly healthy he is.  Let me tell you about our fairly smooth and uneventful adoption experience.  Let me tell you how much joy and heart-bursting love he has brought to our family.

I know this isn’t everyone’s story.  Our story isn’t over.  We may adopt again, and I can’t imagine it being so easy a second time.  Our son will face the challenges that inevitably come with being adopted.  We’re trusting God to provide whatever we need; isn’t that every parent’s prayer?  I’m not interested in denying problems or hiding hard things.  But I do want to show another side.  It would be easy to stay quiet in my happy little world; but then you wouldn’t know.

Sometimes I get tired of being “the face of adoption” each time I go to buy groceries, but I want to continue to praise God for how He blessed our family through adoption.  Maybe I can share a little of our family, and hope that someday that’s all people will see.  Family.  Love.  Christ.

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4 Comments »

  1. How rude, this got my blood boiling HOT this morning!! If he wasn’t adopted would he not be as good? People can be just pure ignorant and I am sure they don’t mean to be but they can none the less, I had someone ask me yesterday in a rather ignorant way but they were trying to be concerned if I loved Lauren more than the other two, again after my blood pressure resumed to somewhat normal, I told her that I had loved Lauren first but not more. People can just be morons and they don’t really mean to be they just are. You are very blessed or should I say we are very blessed to have this beautiful baby boy in our lives, your heart should be bursting with love just as mine is over my three blessings. Hugs and love sweet girl!

    Comment by Sarah — January 10, 2013 @ 9:30 AM | Reply

  2. I’m so happy this has been such a smooth experience after all the turmoil if getting here. Love you!

    Comment by Krista — January 10, 2013 @ 11:18 AM | Reply

  3. Wow. Entirely out of line. Absolutely shocking how people can be so obtuse. Ryan’s work colleague said once (about another adoptive family at work) “well, she doesn’t “get” that unconditional child thing because her kid is adopted, so it’s not the same.” At the time, we were in the middle of OUR adoption from Africa (the coworker new this too). We were incredulous.

    Comment by adoptionista — January 12, 2013 @ 12:50 PM | Reply

  4. So glad it has been an smooth adoption! Tell the world!

    Comment by Bethany — January 12, 2013 @ 10:48 PM | Reply


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