My Journey to Joy

November 8, 2012


Filed under: Contemplations,Uncategorized — aunthoddy @ 7:25 AM
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Holidays can bring extra hurt when you’re “in the valley.”  Last Christmas was one of the lowest points of my life.  We had been going through infertility for several years at that point.  Our adoption journey had been filled with so many disappointments, as we were shown to birth mothers again and again, and not chosen.  I was sick from October through December, likely due in part to a suppressed immune system from stress.  (Studies have shown that stress levels for infertile women are the same as those diagnosed with cancer.)  In December, a number of dear friends were praying for a “Christmas Baby” for us, and a little girl was born December 13th.  I was sure she was ours…we found out December 22nd that she wasn’t.  Life went on as usual for most, with the customary celebrations.  We went through the motions, but it was so very hard.

I have a friend who is still in her dark place.  She’s been there so long.  It’s been so tough, so painful.  She commented recently how the Facebook statuses of “I am thankful for _________” were bothering her.  She’s struggling, and I understand, and don’t judge her for a minute.  It wasn’t appropriate to say anything, but I felt near bursting.  Right now the “thanks” of others are highlighting her situation.  But, oh, I wanted to grab her hands, look deep into her eyes and tell her: that’s the key!  The way out of the dark place.  Telling God “Thank you” again, and again, and again, when you don’t feel like it.  That’s how to leave that pit.*

The most important thing I learned through infertility was to trust God.  The second was finding joy in the midst of pain.  After years of misery, I became desperate for joy.  Happiness is a fleeting emotion.  I am enjoying it much more frequently now, but it was truly rare during those years.  But joy.  Joy is possible.  And gratitude is what opens the door.

*I know that sometimes medical intervention is necessary, and am thankful for the tools God has provided for our use.


1 Comment »

  1. So true. I’ll be praying for your friend.

    Comment by krista — November 8, 2012 @ 10:03 AM | Reply

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