My Journey to Joy

October 25, 2012


Filed under: Contemplations — aunthoddy @ 5:00 AM
Tags: , , , , ,

Last week I spoke publicly, sharing our story with a group of ladies.  Most of what I said was taken off this blog.  It was a willpower vs. emotions decision.  I determined to do it, but worried and dreaded it.  I knew that I would certainly lose my composure.  I knew that I would be making myself extremely vulnerable to people who would be talking about my life; some details would be recounted correctly, some not. 

The day I was to speak, I began to worry even more.  I became convinced that no one was interested, this wouldn’t be helpful in the least, and everyone would just wish I would stop talking so they could move on the next thing.  I doubted that I could speak loudly and clearly enough, and that anyone would understand what I was trying to say.  I regretted intensely having agreed, but at the same time stubbornly hung onto the thought that God might use this to help someone.  I asked Him again to get glory from my fumbling attempt to relate just a piece of what He’s done.  My friends prayed for me, and supported me as they have always done.

And I spoke.  Most of what I anticipated was accurate.  I fell absolutely to pieces- sobbing, sniffling, and even snorting!  I’m sure some of the audience didn’t have a clue why I was so upset over something they’d never even worried about.  I stumbled through with a wet face, unnaturally high-pitched voice, and frequent pauses.  It was horribly presented.

But some “got it” anyway. Ladies came up to me and shared stories.  Stories of theirs, of their families, and of their friends.  And they asked questions.  And they wanted to know how to support someone going through the same struggle.  And infertility has a face.  And adoption isn’t just a word.  I’d do it again…



  1. Holly, you did a wonderful job!! I didn’t get to talk to you that night, but I want you to know that I enjoyed it so much!

    Comment by Katrina Paulus — October 25, 2012 @ 8:53 AM | Reply

  2. Blessings & hugs sweetheart! You did fine & many were blessed. Being real is always helpful!! ILY!

    Comment by Sue Fleming — October 29, 2012 @ 5:31 PM | Reply

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