My Journey to Joy

July 22, 2012

Walking towards a Miracle…with My Eyes Wide Open

Filed under: Contemplations — aunthoddy @ 7:18 PM

I was reading my book.  Just a regular Tuesday afternoon, driving home from work with my husband.  “It’s Lifeline,” he said, and handed me his cell phone.  I answered, while my mind skittered through possible reasons for the call. 

 “Are you at work?” 

“No, I’m on the way home.” 

“Are you driving?” 

 “No, Daniel is driving” 

 “Put it on speaker phone.  Can you hear me?”


“We have a baby boy…are you interested?!”

And my world stopped.  All of the hopes I’d been trying not to hope rushed to my eyes and closed my throat.  I began motioning to Daniel.  “Yes, yes!  I can’t talk because I’m crying!  Tell her yes!”

More details, then: “Holly, are you there?  Are you interested?”

I croaked out a strangled “yes.”  Past years of hoping and hurting, prayer and pain, desire and surrender- all lodged in my throat.  And I tried to listen, really I did.  I wanted to make myself remember every detail.  But honestly, pretty much all I heard was a baby boy.  It would be hours later until I was brave enough to say it: a son.  For us.

As the call continued, we arrived home, but sat motionless in the garage, as if leaving the car would break a spell.  At a break in the conversation, we scurried up the stairs, then huddled together by a chair, listening to what we’ve hoped to hear for so long, but now cannot believe!

“How are you feeling?  Everyone will want to know how you reacted.”


“Are you there?”

Yes, we’re just so…”  I’m sure we said something, but really, there are no words.  No words at all.  I felt like my heart had exploded in the most painful joy I’ve ever experienced.  It was hard to breathe.  And believe.

After the call, we moved around like robots, on auto-pilot.  I was sorting through clothing in the nursery closet (he can wear this one now, and he’ll have to grow into this one, and isn’t this one so cute?!) when I began to sob.  Loud, gasping, soul-emptying sobs.  Because as hard as it’s been, through all of the pain and desperate faith, I can finally see the miracle…and he’s almost here.



We’re so thankful for our son.  He came to us two days before Mothers’ Day- how perfect!  All glory to God!



  1. Ok, not only are my eyes leaking I cried those really ugly face crying faces but they are all full of happiness and joy for all of you, I can not even put into words how happy I am, I know what a roller coaster of emotions this has been for all of you since we experienced it as well, you have a perfect beautiful son who is so blessed to have all of you as his family and you are so blessed to have this beautiful perfect baby boy, please give him lots of kisses for me, I hope to one day be able to kiss him myself. Love you all!!

    Comment by Sarah — July 22, 2012 @ 8:01 PM | Reply

  2. PTL! Was wondering when you post something new here. Nathan was worth the wait. Love him so much!

    Comment by krista — July 30, 2012 @ 6:13 PM | Reply

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