My Journey to Joy

March 8, 2012


Filed under: Contemplations — aunthoddy @ 5:00 AM

Whenever I think about actually brining home our little one, I sort of panic inside.  The house needs to be spotless…  There should be lots of extra money in the bank for the unexpected…  Our marriage should be at the peak of lovey-doveyness…  The nursery should be dusted, blankets washed, fully stocked…  We need to be fit and slim…  Our faith should be strong, our questions answered…  Our schedules should be clear, our menus planned, our pantry stocked, our closets organized, our cars washed- you get the picture!

Guess what?  It ain’t happened yet!  And I know it won’t.  (Not all at once, anyways!)

The truth looks more like this:

Somewhat messy house, with cobwebs that keep cropping up in the corners and Christmas dishes still not put away.  The money in the bank is adequate, but not enough for any major splurges.  We enjoy a fabulous marriage, but there are issues we’re constantly working our way through.  The nursery is lacking anything that can “get old.”  We aren’t at the peak of fitness.  Our faith has been shaken, and we have many questions.  Our lives are busy, our thoughts are scattered, our interests varied.

We’re not ready.  I’m not the calm, perfect, future-mommy that I’d like to be.  That puts me in a place of decision: I can scramble madly for perfection, or I can admit that I fall short, and call on the only Perfect One. 

I can choose to be a mommy who does not put her faith in her own abilities. 

Who turns to her Father to meet her needs. 

Who is honest and real. 

Who relies completely on her God, with a heart full of trust. 

Who knows she needs help every single day. 

Who reaches out to friends and is honest about her needs and shortcomings. 

Who will show her children how to live by faith. 

I’m thinking that’s more important than the dust bunnies…

May your admirable resilience melt like ice in a pan so that you may know how desperately you need to be rescued. May you find yourself on your knees more than once, every time knowing that your own resources are not enough, your attempts are riddled with self-focus, and you cannot live this life alone. As you become aware of the darkness of life on your own, as heaviness shows up through disappointment and dread and misunderstandings, watch as beauty rises up from the ashes of your self-life. Only the hungry will open their mouths and only the sick need a Healer. Do not despise your desperate need. Be glad for the rescue and receive life new.   ~Emily Freeman

1 Comment »

  1. I appreciate you being authentic so much! This baby has been sooo anticipated that I sometime also get “scared” of The Happening!! But, bring it on anyway. I’m betting with the LORD’S help we’ll make it.

    Comment by Sue Fleming — March 8, 2012 @ 5:59 PM | Reply

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