My Journey to Joy

January 5, 2012


Filed under: Contemplations — aunthoddy @ 5:00 AM
Tags: , , , ,

In the short time that we have been pursuing adoption, we’ve already been exposed to a surprising number of myths, misconceptions, and prejudices regarding all members of the adoption triad.  (Birthparents, adoptees, and adoptive parents.)  Some of these I believed myself, other I find hard to understand how anyone can believe them!  Perhaps sometime I’ll share a list with you, but there is one in particular that bothers me: “Birthmothers don’t care about their babies.”

Birthmothers make a decision early on not to abort their babies.  This is against what would be most convenient for them, what society espouses as normal, and often against extreme pressure from parents and/or partners.  This decision means that they will put their bodies through nine months of pregnancy (with all of its discomforts and even dangers) and a delivery…without the reward of taking their sweet babies home.

Birthmothers make a decision to put the needs of someone else, their child, above their own.  Instead of “going with the flow,” and enjoying the excitement a new baby brings (“playing house”), they have taken a hard, honest look at their situation.  They have  painfully decided that they are not equipped to give their baby what it needs, and have determined to do what they can to ensure its future.

Birthmothers make a decision to make a plan for their child.  They go to an agency, meet with counselors, share their private information, pore over profiles of potential adoptive couples…for their child.

Birthmothers often make a decision to leave the hospital alone.  Some even ask that the adoptive mom be the first to hold their baby, so that bonding can begin.  Birthmothers cry…and let go.  Then they go home to friends who “love their babies so much that they can’t understand how they could give theirs away?!”  No, they don’t understand.  Sacrificial love.

I’m aware that each situation is different.  I know that birthmothers aren’t perfect.  I’m sure there are birthmothers who place for adoption out of wrong motivations.  But I truly believe they are the unsung heroes of adoption.

So don’t tell me that birthmothers don’t understand their blessings, or care about their children.  I’m not buying that line.



  1. Amen, sister!

    Comment by Sue Fleming — January 6, 2012 @ 9:37 AM | Reply

    • Daniel said that one came across a little strong (with raised eyebrows)…but I feel pretty strongly about it! 🙂

      Comment by aunthoddy — January 6, 2012 @ 1:48 PM | Reply

  2. Amen again!! Hugs sweet girl!!

    Comment by Sarah — January 6, 2012 @ 11:18 AM | Reply

  3. Good point!

    Comment by Krista Collins — January 11, 2012 @ 9:21 AM | Reply

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