My Journey to Joy

January 4, 2012

Faith and Trust

Filed under: Shared Findings — aunthoddy @ 5:00 AM
Tags: , , ,

I have had several people (not on HP) make comments to me lately (and in the past) that kind of hit me wrong somehow, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized why they rubbed me wrong. Basically, I’ve had people tell me not to give up hope and that God will bless me in his own timing. I don’t have a problem with that in theory, and I like to think I haven’t completely given up hope of one day having a child, but I think what gets me is that I feel like people are telling me I will be a mother someday for sure just because God is good and wants to bless me. I guess I just don’t see how the two things go together. I know God is good. But I don’t think that means God WILL give me a child just because I want one. As a wise person once told me, God is more concerned about my holiness than my happiness. What if the best blessing God can give me is for me to remain childless? And further, what if it’s not about me at all but about what brings him glory? I just get tired of people assuming that because I talk of a possible future that does not involve children that I have somehow lost faith in God’s ability and desire to give good things to his followers. That I don’t believe in a God big enough to give me the desires of my heart. God could take everything from me tomorrow, and I like to think that I would still praise him for his goodness. He owes me nothing and has already given me so much! And while I desire happiness in this life, I have no delusions about my happiness being of paramount importance to anybody. I can be joyful without children because God is good, not because he gives me good things. (And there are so many good things that don’t involve children anyway!) I also don’t necessarily think God is holding out on me now so he can give me something amazing later in this life on earth. Maybe he is; but maybe this is it for me and I just need to learn how to praise him through it and not just bide my time waiting for God to do something amazing. He’s done the most amazing thing already and even if this life is full of sorrows and then I die, that will be enough. If there’s anything I’ve learned on this journey, it’s that everything I thought I knew about what was best for me has been thrown out the window. I’ve learned to trust in God and not in what God can do for me. This has been such a huge thing for me that it’s frustrating when people misunderstand my lack of conviction about what the future holds (as far as children, etc.) for lack of faith.  ~Diane

1 Comment »

  1. Personally, I believe this is the toughest TRUTH for the human race (esp we so blessed and spoiled Americans) to accept We mentally believe this, but we’ve been able to have so much thru our own efforts that emotionally we’ve come to “feel” God owes us our hearts desires. Getting to the place where we can truly (even with our emotions) say and mean “Not my will, but Yours” be done will we have “perfect peace”. It is an on-going process, also. We get it-then we want something so badly we have to work it out and “get it” again. But, God is sooo patient and continues to work with us authentically exactly WHERE WE ARE TODAY. I thank Him over again for his MERCY to me!! Any human would become impatient as I have to relearn things that were “settled”. He has proved Himself in enough tough times in my life, that I can testify that He is enough!! He has exactly what we need-when we need it…and not a second too soon!! Thank you for sharing this beautiful post!! I WANT a grandchild from you & Daniel, but with you, I will accept God’s Will and Plan. ~Mom

    Comment by Sue Fleming — January 4, 2012 @ 10:29 AM | Reply

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