My Journey to Joy

July 21, 2011

He Knows

Filed under: Contemplations — aunthoddy @ 7:39 PM
Tags: , , ,

Daniel and I have been on this journey for several years now.  Some things are different, but many aspects remain the same.  I’ve discovered that even the sweetest, most caring friend can zone out after hearing about common adoption problems or infertility struggles for the 50th time!  At other times, I’ll do my best to explain how I feel, to be met with a blank or puzzled look.  That’s when I realize: they just don’t get it.  As humans, we can’t fully empathize with others.  I’m sure I’ve had that look many times when someone was telling me about their struggles.

God knew that we would be limited in how much we could help each other.  That’s why there’s a greater Resource available to us!  It’s not just up to people…we have an Advocate who is touched with the feeling of our infirmaties (Heb 4:15)!  He sees and understands, even when those we love don’t or can’t.

You have looked deep into my heart, Lord, and you know all about me.”  He knows.

But what about when it hurts so much that it’s hard to even pray?  “Before I even speak a word, you know what I will say…”  He knows.

But what about the big, scary possibilities?  We’re so powerless, so liable to be hurt!  “…with your powerful arm you protect me from every side.”

What about those nights, those painful times when it all rushes back in, when the hurt has seemed to last so long, and things that I thought were resolved come back to torture my mind?  “…you see in the dark because daylight and dark are all the same to you.”  He Knows

But why, God?  Why does it have to hurt so much, and for so long?  “Your thoughts are far beyond my understanding, much more than I could ever imagine.”

God, I want to learn the lessons that You have for me.  I believe that you have a purpose for all of this; please don’t let me miss it!  “Look deep into my heart, God, and find out everything I am thinking…lead me in [Your] way.”

And maybe a promise for our little one?  “You are the one who put me together inside my [birth]mother’s body, and I praise you because of the wonderful way you created me.  (Maybe creating even now?!)…with your own eyes you saw my body being formed…”

He knows where I am, and He knows where my baby is.  So thankful that He knows!

Italicized selections in quotations from Psalms 139


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