My Journey to Joy

May 17, 2011

Mother’s Day

Filed under: Contemplations — aunthoddy @ 8:16 PM
Tags: , , ,

Mothers’ Day is such a difficult holiday for the infertile woman.  Please don’t misunderstand me; I think it is a wonderful holiday.  Mothers do so much, and they should be celebrated and appreciated.

But when your heart’s desire is to be a mother, and you’ve waited year after year…it’s so hard to endure.

Hard to listen to phrases like: “the purpose of every woman is to be a mother” and “these children are your legacy” and “motherhood is the highest calling” etc, etc.  I am blessed to be surrounded by an understanding, supportive church family.  I’ve gotten encouragement cards on Mother’s Day, hugs, offers to talk, permission to grieve, and most of all, prayers.  These help make the journey bearable, but they can’t take away the sharp sting of another barren Mothers’ Day, with empty arms.

These wonderful broadcasts were aired the two days after Mothers’ Day- recovery time for many infertile women, when we breath a sigh of relief that it’s over for another year, celebrate our successes, and kick ourselves for our “failures.”  (I can’t believe I fell apart like that!  When am I just going to get it together?)  Hearing from intelligent, godly women who’ve experienced the same feelings helped.

Hope in the Midst of Infertility, Part 1

Hope in the Midst of Infertility, Part 2

No, I haven’t “gone public” with my infertility, but it’s pretty commonly known.  On Sunday night, our song leader asked each woman to pick a favorite song/hymn.  Two of the choices were starkly honest, but the words shone brilliantly through the pain.

“In His time, in His time, He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Lord, please show me every day as you’re teaching me Your way,

That You’ll do just what you say

In Your time.”

I have always loved the song “I Will Praise Him.”  It speaks of such a choice, a decision to praise.  Never has that been more true than in the last years of my life.  Infertility has been such a weighty burden, and recently our decision to adopt has brought about some very painful consequences.  I sing now more than ever:

“Though the way seemed straight and narrow

All I claimed was swept away.

My ambitions plans and wishes

At my feet in ashes lay.

I will praise Him!

I will praise Him!

Praise the Lamb for sinners slain.

Give Him glory all ye people,

For His blood can wash away each stain.”

This year Mothers’ Day was easier to face, with the hope that I only have a few more of these to face before our family is blessed with a child!

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