My Journey to Joy

May 2, 2011

Lament

Filed under: Contemplations — aunthoddy @ 8:19 PM
Tags: , , , ,

Tonight I saw a link to a blog entitled: “When the Crib Went Empty.”  It was about a woman’s miscarriage, and her subsequent grief.  I haven’t had to go through this, but I comprehend some of her anguish.

My crib is empty.  I’ve shut the door on a beautiful room full of stars and moons, books, toys and blankets.  I’ve tried to shut my heart, for a time, to the yearning that will not relent.  Unsuccessfully.

Our home study is going well.  We’re nearing the end to this part of our journey.  Today our social worker warned us that the fun part was almost over.

Fun?!  We’ve had every vestige of privacy ripped away.  We’ve paid exhorbitant sums of money and stretched our budget to the max.  We’ve rearranged schedules, taken off work, made multiples trips, gone through reams of paperwork, dealt with bureaucracy on many levels.  We’ve jumped through hoops, agonized over decisions, and prayed, prayed, prayed.

Soon, the hard times will come.  Times when we’ll get calls with questions.  Times when our hopes will be raised and dashed.  Times when we’ll think it’s really almost over, almost accomplished…then nothing.

This weekend we attended an adoption education class.  The sessions were wonderful, and it was great to connect with other couples with the same struggles.  One couple in particular stood out to me.  They’ve recently experienced a failed adoption.  They thought their miracle had come.  Their nursery was complete, their dreams about to be fulfilled, their crib…is empty.

They gave it away on Friday.  The sight of it was just too much.  They’re trying to continue with the process, but their hearts are broken.  “Why?  We courted…we were chaste…we would love a child with all our hearts…”  The haunting questions.  Some I have resolved, with God’s help.  Some, I still wonder.

In a comment at the end of the post “When the Crib Went Empty” someone wrote this:

Lament is a form of worship.

And so I join with countless saints, who throughout the ages have cried out to God.

“She weeps bitterly in the night, Her tears are on her cheeks…she finds no rest…she is in bitterness.  My strength and my hope have perished…See, O Lord, that I am in distress… 

This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.  Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.  They are new every morning.  Great is thy faithfulness!  The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I hope in Him!  The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.”  Lamentations 1-3, selections

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