My Journey to Joy

February 24, 2011


Filed under: Adoption 101,Contemplations — aunthoddy @ 9:14 PM
Tags: , , , , ,

On Monday we met with our social worker.  Everything was fine, but it was a pretty unpleasant experience.  In the information portion, the social worker told us lots of scary possibilities of birth fathers, husbands of birth mothers, and potential legal battles.  She mentioned thousands of dollars that “might” be added to our fees if things went a certain way.

Then the questions… 

Here is a perfect stranger asking the most intimate things!  Something inside me wanted to draw back and say, “How dare you?!  What right do you have to ask me that?!”  I realize, of course, that we’ve given them that right.  Adoption means signing over a large amount of privacy.  But still, it stung.

And it brought up those old feelings.  Why do I have to go through all of this?  Why do some people “accidentally get pregnant at a party,” but I have to pay huge sums of money, have my private life dissected, and go through reams of paperwork?

When I came home, I felt like I had been pummeled emotionally.  I started to think, “We can’t do this!  We’re not rich.  What were we thinking?  How did we think this was possible?”

Tuesday morning, my devotions were over Deuteronomy 1:19-31

“The Lord had commanded us to leave Mount Sinai and go to the hill country that belonged to the Amorites, so we started out into the huge desert.  You remember how frightening it was, but soon we were at Kadesh-Barnea, and I told you, ‘We have reached the hill country.  It belongs to the Amorites now, but the Lord our God is giving it to us.  He is the same God our ancestors worshiped, and he has told us to go in and take this land, so don’t hesitate and be afraid….Don’t worry!  The Lord our God will lead the way.  He will fight on our side…you know that the Lord has taken care of us the whole time we’ve been in the desert, just as you might carry one of your children.'”

The prayer at the end of the devotional was this:

Thank you, Lord for all the wonderful things You have done for me in the past, that You are doing for me today, and that You will do for me in the future.  Keep me from fear and discouragement as I look at the challenges ahead.  Thank You that You go before me with a plan for battle.  I look to you for guidance so I may possess all You have for me. 

Tuesday night, I was reading another devotional book about the names of God.  The name I was studying was El Elyon, God Most High.  The prayer at the end was this:

El Elyon, thank You that there is no problem in my life too large for You to handle.

Overwhelmed by grace.  That God would arrange those assurances for me.  I’m behind in my devotions, as usual, but those were the ones I read on Tuesday.  I know you have been praying for me, and I thank you.  God has helped us through another step, another challenge, past another fear.  It will happen again, but I hope that each time I learn to turn to Him more and more quickly, and worry less.

He is in charge of this adoption.  And I’m pretty sure He can handle it!


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